I don't know how to be happy...not right now.

this is just me right now. Do not read if you don't want to..it's just my thoughts.


It's been a month since the staff retreat. It's been a really crazy month. So many decisions, so many thoughts running through my head ALL THE TIME. As my last post said...i left working with overland full time. Hardest thing i've probably ever done. I mean..i'm still here right now..i still go in every day for at least a couple of hours...but i've closed the chapter in my life for now. Not the chapter for missions..that chapter will not close. Not for a long time at least...My passion is missions...people groups...the third world...just unreached people in general...even if it's here in America. I am moving to colorado. It's about a 95% sure thing. Next month, or the beginning of April. I'm taking an EMT course the beginning of next month and the organization was so gracious and blessed me with more than half off the original price of the course. Thank you Jesus.

I am really really excited about being where I am supposed to be. I don't know why colorado. It's something that started stirring in me last year while i was living out there for a couple of months.

And though I am excited about being where I am supposed to be. There's the getting there factor. I have a REALLY crappy job right now. Literally HATE it. yeha..the telemarketing one. Who knew.I am not brining in nearly enough money.. And also there is the factor of leaving my family, and 90% of my friends to go over there for SCHOOL. One of the things that clinches my heart the most is not being able to drive down and see my sweet sweet little siblings Hayley and Tyler. They are growing so much every day...and i love them so incredibly much. But hey...there is always holidays right?

my heart aches inside my chest most of the day...it's a really weird feeling. Because i do have peace about the decision i have made. I have ALOT of peace. But still..my heart is aching. I think that's normal...i mean...it's just really alot to swallow i think. There is also the factor of not being in Africa this summer for the 1st time in 3 years. That hurts too. I hope to go somewhere this year still though :) I'm thnking asia would be amazing...Brazil sounds pretty great too.
And Overland...i love Overland. i will still travel with them, be in connection with them...recruit for them. I'm going to make colorado one of our biggest sending states. (In Jesus Name)...go to conferences with them...i'm just not going to be based in Florida with them.

Anyway...that's that. I'm moving forward..i am. I'm excited about it. and the aching will stop..it might just take a little while.