So i've been in Florida for about 3 1/2 weeks and have spent alot of that time at a pool or a beach despite the fact that we've had alot of crappy weather since the first week i was here! Yay for typical Florida summers, where it's sunny one minute and a lightning storm the next. I'm leaving Port Saint Lucie thursday night and staying in cocoa for the evening...then early friday i am driving to Virginia with 2 of the guys from cocoa for beautiful Christy's wedding :)
This trip has been super interesting, and super super challenging for me...as i knew it would be before i came here. I honestly had no idea why i was come back to Florida instead of going into the 3rd world this summer. In my mind it was to help my family...felt like i could change things i guess. Just in the last week the Lord has been showing me why He really brought me here. Last summer i began praying that the Lord would bring me to the root of some of the problems from my past. Co-depency being the main thing. I knew, and know that i've been healed from all the things from me past...but also know i haven't been able to experience that freedom to it's fullest without getting to the root of it all...So this summer I was brought back to Florida to confront it face to face...I don't want to go into detail on this thing, but i know that I can't change people. I can only change myself. I can forgive, and i can move on. It's been hard, as i knew it would be once i began seeing the root of things, but it's good. I thank God for His faithfulness.
That being said...i can't wait to get back to colorado...i have a crazy month in front of me, trying to figure out living, and job situations and such...but i'm excited to see God's provisian :)
Monday, June 23, 2008
Friday, June 6, 2008
Florida, and Tyler-isms :)
I have been in Florida for about 9 days now. It's going quite well..I've enjoyed seeing familiar faces, and i've enjoyed the BEACH. :) i thought i would go ahead and start making a list of tyler (my 5 year old brother) quotes...i'm sure i'll be able to build on it for the next couple of weeks :)
1) "look! I got a dollar!!!! jason gave it to me...Just for licking my foot!"
2)Tyler: "I have to poop so bad!!!"
Me: "We're almost home..just hold it"
Hayley: "Tyler can you hand me that book??"
Tyler: "I can't! I'm too busy consentrating on squeezing my butt cheeks together!"
3) mom: "You guys are going to hate each other by the time you go back to colorado" (talking about Hayley, tyler, and me)
Me: "we aren't going to hate each other"
Tyler: "I already don't like you" (hahaha)
More to come later :)
1) "look! I got a dollar!!!! jason gave it to me...Just for licking my foot!"
2)Tyler: "I have to poop so bad!!!"
Me: "We're almost home..just hold it"
Hayley: "Tyler can you hand me that book??"
Tyler: "I can't! I'm too busy consentrating on squeezing my butt cheeks together!"
3) mom: "You guys are going to hate each other by the time you go back to colorado" (talking about Hayley, tyler, and me)
Me: "we aren't going to hate each other"
Tyler: "I already don't like you" (hahaha)
More to come later :)
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Going on a jet plane.
So i quit my job today. And i couldn't be happier. Now i have time to babysit, clean out my room, talk to school advisers, and of course hang out with people. I'm not going to indonesia and feel certain i've made the right decision staying in the USA this year. I'm going to Florida next thursday and will be there most of June. It should be fun. my family is planning stuff for us to do AS a family..like camping. How fun...miserably hot at night i'm sure..but it should be a blast. I've recently started going to a new church called Cornerstone Church, and i really like it. There are alot of people my age, and it's solid. I've been having fun hanging out with my new friends, and making newer ones :) I can't wait to see my friends and family in Florida, even though it's only been 3 months..i think that's long enough.
Yay life :)
Yay life :)
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Love
The world lies in front of me like a blank canvas
The possibilities endless
Alone, but surrounded deeply by a love so intense and real
A heart aching to know more of your fullness, your joy, your love, more of You.
After years passed of mere religion and ideas the fullness of relationship is beginning to emerge.
Beautiful love. So intense. So intimate. Never ending.
The impossibilities of yesterday becoming possible today.
This is not my solo, but our duet. I can not do this on my own. But with the help of Love. You.
The possibilities endless
Alone, but surrounded deeply by a love so intense and real
A heart aching to know more of your fullness, your joy, your love, more of You.
After years passed of mere religion and ideas the fullness of relationship is beginning to emerge.
Beautiful love. So intense. So intimate. Never ending.
The impossibilities of yesterday becoming possible today.
This is not my solo, but our duet. I can not do this on my own. But with the help of Love. You.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Through the solitude...I will draw closer to you.
I thought it might be time to write an update on my life since moving across the country :)
It has been just over 2 months since i packed up my things and drove across the country to my new home in Boulder, Colorado. My time here so far is super hard to explain. The first month here I had no job at all and spent a lot of time wallowing in self pity because i missed Florida (as badly as i was ready to get out)..and i wasted a lot of time doing..well..nothing. I got to see my friend Cheyanne and few times and meet some more of her friends in Fort Collins before i drove her back home (crested butte, Colorado) for the summer. After i got home from dropping her off last month, i finally got a job. I'm working at a deli and it's the most ridiculous job i've ever had. Yes, even more so than the telemarketing job. :) I started babysitting for a wonderful family here in boulder regularly, and they've offered me a room behind their house rent free in exchange for some babysitting. Total blessing, and answer to prayers, as the living situation i'm in right now tends to be a little difficult sometimes. I will be moving into town where i'll be closer to the mountains, and closer to...everything. :)
When i was in Crested butte i randomly heard about this college group call Christan Challenge back in Boulder that was supposed to be full of great people. So i went. I couldn't even make it 2 feet in the door before i was swamped with person after person introducing themselves and wanting to know about me. I was only able to go that one time, because i was babysitting the rest of the wednesdays before the group ended for the school year..but i met SO many people, and made a couple of really great friends. I can't wait to get to know more of them. I had tried another college group before that one, and tried connecting with people in other ways, but it wasn't happening. Before walking into Christian challenge that night, i literally prayed that i would be able to connect with these people, and that i could make some friends...and once again. He answered my prayers :)
The solitude has been such a change in my life. It's pushed me so much more deeply in Love with my BEST friend..my savior, my Lord...Scripture is becoming so alive to me. Verses i've read before that didn't mean anything to me at all are jumping out at me and touching my life on such a real level. I love...love. I'm finding that He is the one that is pursueing me. He wants to be with me. He wants to love on me. He wants to be in a LOVE relationship with me.
This move has NOT been easy. I'm still very much transitioning..I very much miss people back home, and find it hard being away from my family...since they are going through struggles of their own. There are very many uncertainties right now with school and such...but He said move...and I did. So i'm trusting Him for the rest. Though it's not been easy..i'm very much at peace where i am. I'm discovering myself in the process.
That's it :) kinda long..but whatever...if you made it to the end you're a trooper ;)
It has been just over 2 months since i packed up my things and drove across the country to my new home in Boulder, Colorado. My time here so far is super hard to explain. The first month here I had no job at all and spent a lot of time wallowing in self pity because i missed Florida (as badly as i was ready to get out)..and i wasted a lot of time doing..well..nothing. I got to see my friend Cheyanne and few times and meet some more of her friends in Fort Collins before i drove her back home (crested butte, Colorado) for the summer. After i got home from dropping her off last month, i finally got a job. I'm working at a deli and it's the most ridiculous job i've ever had. Yes, even more so than the telemarketing job. :) I started babysitting for a wonderful family here in boulder regularly, and they've offered me a room behind their house rent free in exchange for some babysitting. Total blessing, and answer to prayers, as the living situation i'm in right now tends to be a little difficult sometimes. I will be moving into town where i'll be closer to the mountains, and closer to...everything. :)
When i was in Crested butte i randomly heard about this college group call Christan Challenge back in Boulder that was supposed to be full of great people. So i went. I couldn't even make it 2 feet in the door before i was swamped with person after person introducing themselves and wanting to know about me. I was only able to go that one time, because i was babysitting the rest of the wednesdays before the group ended for the school year..but i met SO many people, and made a couple of really great friends. I can't wait to get to know more of them. I had tried another college group before that one, and tried connecting with people in other ways, but it wasn't happening. Before walking into Christian challenge that night, i literally prayed that i would be able to connect with these people, and that i could make some friends...and once again. He answered my prayers :)
The solitude has been such a change in my life. It's pushed me so much more deeply in Love with my BEST friend..my savior, my Lord...Scripture is becoming so alive to me. Verses i've read before that didn't mean anything to me at all are jumping out at me and touching my life on such a real level. I love...love. I'm finding that He is the one that is pursueing me. He wants to be with me. He wants to love on me. He wants to be in a LOVE relationship with me.
This move has NOT been easy. I'm still very much transitioning..I very much miss people back home, and find it hard being away from my family...since they are going through struggles of their own. There are very many uncertainties right now with school and such...but He said move...and I did. So i'm trusting Him for the rest. Though it's not been easy..i'm very much at peace where i am. I'm discovering myself in the process.
That's it :) kinda long..but whatever...if you made it to the end you're a trooper ;)
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Oh Colorado...
Tuesday night my friends all came to Outback for a going away party for me. It was so nice being able to laugh with everyone. Afterward i went and hung out with Allysar and Leah until a crazy AM hour and had a blast. The wednesday i packed up, had coffee with Rach, went to the church and said my final goodbyes. I left Florida on Wednesday afternoon and after 8 states, and 36 hours of driving..i arrived in Colorado last night (Saturday evening). The trip here was interesting, and fun. I stopped in GA just for the night. Saw my brother and his girlfriend...then driving through arkansas at night it started snowing hardcore..apparently the next day there was like 14 inches or something..semi's literally kept running me off the road. It was scarey for my Florida girl self. I stayed 2 nights in Oklahoma with my wonderful friend Hayden. We went rock climbing, played raquet ball, played pool, went to the movies. It was fun..lots of laughter :) Then I drove all day yesterday and finally got here.
This has been one of the hardest things ever. immediately after leaving Florida i began crying...Thinking about all the things i was leaving, all the people i was leaving..to go to a place where i not much familiar with,and barely have any friends at all...but doing it in Faith knowing this IS where God wants me to be. I know i am supposed to be here. God has opened doors like crazy...from a place to live, to the money (and some) to get over here. I understand that God sometimes brings us to a place where we have to sacrifice things that we love for Him...to grow deeper, closer, and more intimately in love with Him. I'm excited about my life these next couple of years..right now it all hurts so bad...I often cry...but i KNOW He's got a life planned for me far beyond what i can imagine. I'm in love with Jesus...
I miss you Florida.
This has been one of the hardest things ever. immediately after leaving Florida i began crying...Thinking about all the things i was leaving, all the people i was leaving..to go to a place where i not much familiar with,and barely have any friends at all...but doing it in Faith knowing this IS where God wants me to be. I know i am supposed to be here. God has opened doors like crazy...from a place to live, to the money (and some) to get over here. I understand that God sometimes brings us to a place where we have to sacrifice things that we love for Him...to grow deeper, closer, and more intimately in love with Him. I'm excited about my life these next couple of years..right now it all hurts so bad...I often cry...but i KNOW He's got a life planned for me far beyond what i can imagine. I'm in love with Jesus...
I miss you Florida.
Friday, February 8, 2008
I don't know how to be happy...not right now.
this is just me right now. Do not read if you don't want to..it's just my thoughts.
It's been a month since the staff retreat. It's been a really crazy month. So many decisions, so many thoughts running through my head ALL THE TIME. As my last post said...i left working with overland full time. Hardest thing i've probably ever done. I mean..i'm still here right now..i still go in every day for at least a couple of hours...but i've closed the chapter in my life for now. Not the chapter for missions..that chapter will not close. Not for a long time at least...My passion is missions...people groups...the third world...just unreached people in general...even if it's here in America. I am moving to colorado. It's about a 95% sure thing. Next month, or the beginning of April. I'm taking an EMT course the beginning of next month and the organization was so gracious and blessed me with more than half off the original price of the course. Thank you Jesus.
I am really really excited about being where I am supposed to be. I don't know why colorado. It's something that started stirring in me last year while i was living out there for a couple of months.
And though I am excited about being where I am supposed to be. There's the getting there factor. I have a REALLY crappy job right now. Literally HATE it. yeha..the telemarketing one. Who knew.I am not brining in nearly enough money.. And also there is the factor of leaving my family, and 90% of my friends to go over there for SCHOOL. One of the things that clinches my heart the most is not being able to drive down and see my sweet sweet little siblings Hayley and Tyler. They are growing so much every day...and i love them so incredibly much. But hey...there is always holidays right?
my heart aches inside my chest most of the day...it's a really weird feeling. Because i do have peace about the decision i have made. I have ALOT of peace. But still..my heart is aching. I think that's normal...i mean...it's just really alot to swallow i think. There is also the factor of not being in Africa this summer for the 1st time in 3 years. That hurts too. I hope to go somewhere this year still though :) I'm thnking asia would be amazing...Brazil sounds pretty great too.
And Overland...i love Overland. i will still travel with them, be in connection with them...recruit for them. I'm going to make colorado one of our biggest sending states. (In Jesus Name)...go to conferences with them...i'm just not going to be based in Florida with them.
Anyway...that's that. I'm moving forward..i am. I'm excited about it. and the aching will stop..it might just take a little while.
It's been a month since the staff retreat. It's been a really crazy month. So many decisions, so many thoughts running through my head ALL THE TIME. As my last post said...i left working with overland full time. Hardest thing i've probably ever done. I mean..i'm still here right now..i still go in every day for at least a couple of hours...but i've closed the chapter in my life for now. Not the chapter for missions..that chapter will not close. Not for a long time at least...My passion is missions...people groups...the third world...just unreached people in general...even if it's here in America. I am moving to colorado. It's about a 95% sure thing. Next month, or the beginning of April. I'm taking an EMT course the beginning of next month and the organization was so gracious and blessed me with more than half off the original price of the course. Thank you Jesus.
I am really really excited about being where I am supposed to be. I don't know why colorado. It's something that started stirring in me last year while i was living out there for a couple of months.
And though I am excited about being where I am supposed to be. There's the getting there factor. I have a REALLY crappy job right now. Literally HATE it. yeha..the telemarketing one. Who knew.I am not brining in nearly enough money.. And also there is the factor of leaving my family, and 90% of my friends to go over there for SCHOOL. One of the things that clinches my heart the most is not being able to drive down and see my sweet sweet little siblings Hayley and Tyler. They are growing so much every day...and i love them so incredibly much. But hey...there is always holidays right?
my heart aches inside my chest most of the day...it's a really weird feeling. Because i do have peace about the decision i have made. I have ALOT of peace. But still..my heart is aching. I think that's normal...i mean...it's just really alot to swallow i think. There is also the factor of not being in Africa this summer for the 1st time in 3 years. That hurts too. I hope to go somewhere this year still though :) I'm thnking asia would be amazing...Brazil sounds pretty great too.
And Overland...i love Overland. i will still travel with them, be in connection with them...recruit for them. I'm going to make colorado one of our biggest sending states. (In Jesus Name)...go to conferences with them...i'm just not going to be based in Florida with them.
Anyway...that's that. I'm moving forward..i am. I'm excited about it. and the aching will stop..it might just take a little while.
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