I have watched 3 of my friends get married this summer. All 3 were beautiful weddings, all 3 made beautiful brides, and all 3 are incredibly happy. Having said that..it's gotten me thinking a lot about what i want my wedding to be like..when i'll meet someone...etc etc....
please know that this next portion is just me rambling about what's been going on in my head....you really don't have to read it if you don't want to...i just needed to write my emotions out.
I know that i'm not supposed to look for someone...i know that it'll happen, and i will be swept off my feet and that's super exciting. I've been obedient in the relationship area for the past several years. When i was 18 i broke up with a boy, and promised the Lord i wouldn't be in a relationship again for a year...time to focus on myself...it's been 4 years (in december)since then. The best 4 years of my life. I've learned so much about myself...i've allowed myself time to be healed from the inside out...i've discovered what it means to really be in relationship. A love relationship with my heavenly Father...I've enjoyed being young, and single..traveling..not being in school..Not living under my parents roof...moving to several different places and ending up in Boulder, Colorado where i knew next to nobody (other then you tirz) and I have grown to love this incredibly strange place so very much. Can i just say...I cannot wait to be swept off my feet. I can't wait to fall in love. I know i'm young, and that there is time...but i, like many other girls my age..want to meet the love of my life.
I've been in a wierd mood today...kinda lonely..even though i was with people most of the day. What ever...
I signed my lease today. i started my job yesterday. I've been house sitting for the last couple of nights. and i got to see one of my very best friends this past weekend. I should be happy..and i am. I think i'm just a hormonal grump today :)
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Back in Boulder
So i've been back in Colorado for 2 weeks and it's been great. Challenging to say the least, but great. In 2 weeks the Lord has provided me with a job. And a place to live! I am working at the Crocs Kiosk in the middle of the mall....yeah, i'm excited! i'm also nannying part time for a wonderful family here in Boulder. And i'm moving into a 4 bedroom town house on the 5th of August with 3 other girls. I'm WAY excited about that. God is crazy good. This summer has been really good. I'm nice and tan (still)..I got to be with my family and friends in Florida, now i'm in Colorado spending time with people here. Tomorrow i leave for Crested butte for my friend Hayden's wedding. 3rd wedding this summer! K so there's a nice blog for you. I was told by my friend Tirzah that there is no point to having a blog if you don't use it...which is true. :)
Monday, June 23, 2008
Coming home soon....
So i've been in Florida for about 3 1/2 weeks and have spent alot of that time at a pool or a beach despite the fact that we've had alot of crappy weather since the first week i was here! Yay for typical Florida summers, where it's sunny one minute and a lightning storm the next. I'm leaving Port Saint Lucie thursday night and staying in cocoa for the evening...then early friday i am driving to Virginia with 2 of the guys from cocoa for beautiful Christy's wedding :)
This trip has been super interesting, and super super challenging for me...as i knew it would be before i came here. I honestly had no idea why i was come back to Florida instead of going into the 3rd world this summer. In my mind it was to help my family...felt like i could change things i guess. Just in the last week the Lord has been showing me why He really brought me here. Last summer i began praying that the Lord would bring me to the root of some of the problems from my past. Co-depency being the main thing. I knew, and know that i've been healed from all the things from me past...but also know i haven't been able to experience that freedom to it's fullest without getting to the root of it all...So this summer I was brought back to Florida to confront it face to face...I don't want to go into detail on this thing, but i know that I can't change people. I can only change myself. I can forgive, and i can move on. It's been hard, as i knew it would be once i began seeing the root of things, but it's good. I thank God for His faithfulness.
That being said...i can't wait to get back to colorado...i have a crazy month in front of me, trying to figure out living, and job situations and such...but i'm excited to see God's provisian :)
This trip has been super interesting, and super super challenging for me...as i knew it would be before i came here. I honestly had no idea why i was come back to Florida instead of going into the 3rd world this summer. In my mind it was to help my family...felt like i could change things i guess. Just in the last week the Lord has been showing me why He really brought me here. Last summer i began praying that the Lord would bring me to the root of some of the problems from my past. Co-depency being the main thing. I knew, and know that i've been healed from all the things from me past...but also know i haven't been able to experience that freedom to it's fullest without getting to the root of it all...So this summer I was brought back to Florida to confront it face to face...I don't want to go into detail on this thing, but i know that I can't change people. I can only change myself. I can forgive, and i can move on. It's been hard, as i knew it would be once i began seeing the root of things, but it's good. I thank God for His faithfulness.
That being said...i can't wait to get back to colorado...i have a crazy month in front of me, trying to figure out living, and job situations and such...but i'm excited to see God's provisian :)
Friday, June 6, 2008
Florida, and Tyler-isms :)
I have been in Florida for about 9 days now. It's going quite well..I've enjoyed seeing familiar faces, and i've enjoyed the BEACH. :) i thought i would go ahead and start making a list of tyler (my 5 year old brother) quotes...i'm sure i'll be able to build on it for the next couple of weeks :)
1) "look! I got a dollar!!!! jason gave it to me...Just for licking my foot!"
2)Tyler: "I have to poop so bad!!!"
Me: "We're almost home..just hold it"
Hayley: "Tyler can you hand me that book??"
Tyler: "I can't! I'm too busy consentrating on squeezing my butt cheeks together!"
3) mom: "You guys are going to hate each other by the time you go back to colorado" (talking about Hayley, tyler, and me)
Me: "we aren't going to hate each other"
Tyler: "I already don't like you" (hahaha)
More to come later :)
1) "look! I got a dollar!!!! jason gave it to me...Just for licking my foot!"
2)Tyler: "I have to poop so bad!!!"
Me: "We're almost home..just hold it"
Hayley: "Tyler can you hand me that book??"
Tyler: "I can't! I'm too busy consentrating on squeezing my butt cheeks together!"
3) mom: "You guys are going to hate each other by the time you go back to colorado" (talking about Hayley, tyler, and me)
Me: "we aren't going to hate each other"
Tyler: "I already don't like you" (hahaha)
More to come later :)
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Going on a jet plane.
So i quit my job today. And i couldn't be happier. Now i have time to babysit, clean out my room, talk to school advisers, and of course hang out with people. I'm not going to indonesia and feel certain i've made the right decision staying in the USA this year. I'm going to Florida next thursday and will be there most of June. It should be fun. my family is planning stuff for us to do AS a family..like camping. How fun...miserably hot at night i'm sure..but it should be a blast. I've recently started going to a new church called Cornerstone Church, and i really like it. There are alot of people my age, and it's solid. I've been having fun hanging out with my new friends, and making newer ones :) I can't wait to see my friends and family in Florida, even though it's only been 3 months..i think that's long enough.
Yay life :)
Yay life :)
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Love
The world lies in front of me like a blank canvas
The possibilities endless
Alone, but surrounded deeply by a love so intense and real
A heart aching to know more of your fullness, your joy, your love, more of You.
After years passed of mere religion and ideas the fullness of relationship is beginning to emerge.
Beautiful love. So intense. So intimate. Never ending.
The impossibilities of yesterday becoming possible today.
This is not my solo, but our duet. I can not do this on my own. But with the help of Love. You.
The possibilities endless
Alone, but surrounded deeply by a love so intense and real
A heart aching to know more of your fullness, your joy, your love, more of You.
After years passed of mere religion and ideas the fullness of relationship is beginning to emerge.
Beautiful love. So intense. So intimate. Never ending.
The impossibilities of yesterday becoming possible today.
This is not my solo, but our duet. I can not do this on my own. But with the help of Love. You.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Through the solitude...I will draw closer to you.
I thought it might be time to write an update on my life since moving across the country :)
It has been just over 2 months since i packed up my things and drove across the country to my new home in Boulder, Colorado. My time here so far is super hard to explain. The first month here I had no job at all and spent a lot of time wallowing in self pity because i missed Florida (as badly as i was ready to get out)..and i wasted a lot of time doing..well..nothing. I got to see my friend Cheyanne and few times and meet some more of her friends in Fort Collins before i drove her back home (crested butte, Colorado) for the summer. After i got home from dropping her off last month, i finally got a job. I'm working at a deli and it's the most ridiculous job i've ever had. Yes, even more so than the telemarketing job. :) I started babysitting for a wonderful family here in boulder regularly, and they've offered me a room behind their house rent free in exchange for some babysitting. Total blessing, and answer to prayers, as the living situation i'm in right now tends to be a little difficult sometimes. I will be moving into town where i'll be closer to the mountains, and closer to...everything. :)
When i was in Crested butte i randomly heard about this college group call Christan Challenge back in Boulder that was supposed to be full of great people. So i went. I couldn't even make it 2 feet in the door before i was swamped with person after person introducing themselves and wanting to know about me. I was only able to go that one time, because i was babysitting the rest of the wednesdays before the group ended for the school year..but i met SO many people, and made a couple of really great friends. I can't wait to get to know more of them. I had tried another college group before that one, and tried connecting with people in other ways, but it wasn't happening. Before walking into Christian challenge that night, i literally prayed that i would be able to connect with these people, and that i could make some friends...and once again. He answered my prayers :)
The solitude has been such a change in my life. It's pushed me so much more deeply in Love with my BEST friend..my savior, my Lord...Scripture is becoming so alive to me. Verses i've read before that didn't mean anything to me at all are jumping out at me and touching my life on such a real level. I love...love. I'm finding that He is the one that is pursueing me. He wants to be with me. He wants to love on me. He wants to be in a LOVE relationship with me.
This move has NOT been easy. I'm still very much transitioning..I very much miss people back home, and find it hard being away from my family...since they are going through struggles of their own. There are very many uncertainties right now with school and such...but He said move...and I did. So i'm trusting Him for the rest. Though it's not been easy..i'm very much at peace where i am. I'm discovering myself in the process.
That's it :) kinda long..but whatever...if you made it to the end you're a trooper ;)
It has been just over 2 months since i packed up my things and drove across the country to my new home in Boulder, Colorado. My time here so far is super hard to explain. The first month here I had no job at all and spent a lot of time wallowing in self pity because i missed Florida (as badly as i was ready to get out)..and i wasted a lot of time doing..well..nothing. I got to see my friend Cheyanne and few times and meet some more of her friends in Fort Collins before i drove her back home (crested butte, Colorado) for the summer. After i got home from dropping her off last month, i finally got a job. I'm working at a deli and it's the most ridiculous job i've ever had. Yes, even more so than the telemarketing job. :) I started babysitting for a wonderful family here in boulder regularly, and they've offered me a room behind their house rent free in exchange for some babysitting. Total blessing, and answer to prayers, as the living situation i'm in right now tends to be a little difficult sometimes. I will be moving into town where i'll be closer to the mountains, and closer to...everything. :)
When i was in Crested butte i randomly heard about this college group call Christan Challenge back in Boulder that was supposed to be full of great people. So i went. I couldn't even make it 2 feet in the door before i was swamped with person after person introducing themselves and wanting to know about me. I was only able to go that one time, because i was babysitting the rest of the wednesdays before the group ended for the school year..but i met SO many people, and made a couple of really great friends. I can't wait to get to know more of them. I had tried another college group before that one, and tried connecting with people in other ways, but it wasn't happening. Before walking into Christian challenge that night, i literally prayed that i would be able to connect with these people, and that i could make some friends...and once again. He answered my prayers :)
The solitude has been such a change in my life. It's pushed me so much more deeply in Love with my BEST friend..my savior, my Lord...Scripture is becoming so alive to me. Verses i've read before that didn't mean anything to me at all are jumping out at me and touching my life on such a real level. I love...love. I'm finding that He is the one that is pursueing me. He wants to be with me. He wants to love on me. He wants to be in a LOVE relationship with me.
This move has NOT been easy. I'm still very much transitioning..I very much miss people back home, and find it hard being away from my family...since they are going through struggles of their own. There are very many uncertainties right now with school and such...but He said move...and I did. So i'm trusting Him for the rest. Though it's not been easy..i'm very much at peace where i am. I'm discovering myself in the process.
That's it :) kinda long..but whatever...if you made it to the end you're a trooper ;)
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