So i quit my job today. And i couldn't be happier. Now i have time to babysit, clean out my room, talk to school advisers, and of course hang out with people. I'm not going to indonesia and feel certain i've made the right decision staying in the USA this year. I'm going to Florida next thursday and will be there most of June. It should be fun. my family is planning stuff for us to do AS a family..like camping. How fun...miserably hot at night i'm sure..but it should be a blast. I've recently started going to a new church called Cornerstone Church, and i really like it. There are alot of people my age, and it's solid. I've been having fun hanging out with my new friends, and making newer ones :) I can't wait to see my friends and family in Florida, even though it's only been 3 months..i think that's long enough.
Yay life :)
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Love
The world lies in front of me like a blank canvas
The possibilities endless
Alone, but surrounded deeply by a love so intense and real
A heart aching to know more of your fullness, your joy, your love, more of You.
After years passed of mere religion and ideas the fullness of relationship is beginning to emerge.
Beautiful love. So intense. So intimate. Never ending.
The impossibilities of yesterday becoming possible today.
This is not my solo, but our duet. I can not do this on my own. But with the help of Love. You.
The possibilities endless
Alone, but surrounded deeply by a love so intense and real
A heart aching to know more of your fullness, your joy, your love, more of You.
After years passed of mere religion and ideas the fullness of relationship is beginning to emerge.
Beautiful love. So intense. So intimate. Never ending.
The impossibilities of yesterday becoming possible today.
This is not my solo, but our duet. I can not do this on my own. But with the help of Love. You.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Through the solitude...I will draw closer to you.
I thought it might be time to write an update on my life since moving across the country :)
It has been just over 2 months since i packed up my things and drove across the country to my new home in Boulder, Colorado. My time here so far is super hard to explain. The first month here I had no job at all and spent a lot of time wallowing in self pity because i missed Florida (as badly as i was ready to get out)..and i wasted a lot of time doing..well..nothing. I got to see my friend Cheyanne and few times and meet some more of her friends in Fort Collins before i drove her back home (crested butte, Colorado) for the summer. After i got home from dropping her off last month, i finally got a job. I'm working at a deli and it's the most ridiculous job i've ever had. Yes, even more so than the telemarketing job. :) I started babysitting for a wonderful family here in boulder regularly, and they've offered me a room behind their house rent free in exchange for some babysitting. Total blessing, and answer to prayers, as the living situation i'm in right now tends to be a little difficult sometimes. I will be moving into town where i'll be closer to the mountains, and closer to...everything. :)
When i was in Crested butte i randomly heard about this college group call Christan Challenge back in Boulder that was supposed to be full of great people. So i went. I couldn't even make it 2 feet in the door before i was swamped with person after person introducing themselves and wanting to know about me. I was only able to go that one time, because i was babysitting the rest of the wednesdays before the group ended for the school year..but i met SO many people, and made a couple of really great friends. I can't wait to get to know more of them. I had tried another college group before that one, and tried connecting with people in other ways, but it wasn't happening. Before walking into Christian challenge that night, i literally prayed that i would be able to connect with these people, and that i could make some friends...and once again. He answered my prayers :)
The solitude has been such a change in my life. It's pushed me so much more deeply in Love with my BEST friend..my savior, my Lord...Scripture is becoming so alive to me. Verses i've read before that didn't mean anything to me at all are jumping out at me and touching my life on such a real level. I love...love. I'm finding that He is the one that is pursueing me. He wants to be with me. He wants to love on me. He wants to be in a LOVE relationship with me.
This move has NOT been easy. I'm still very much transitioning..I very much miss people back home, and find it hard being away from my family...since they are going through struggles of their own. There are very many uncertainties right now with school and such...but He said move...and I did. So i'm trusting Him for the rest. Though it's not been easy..i'm very much at peace where i am. I'm discovering myself in the process.
That's it :) kinda long..but whatever...if you made it to the end you're a trooper ;)
It has been just over 2 months since i packed up my things and drove across the country to my new home in Boulder, Colorado. My time here so far is super hard to explain. The first month here I had no job at all and spent a lot of time wallowing in self pity because i missed Florida (as badly as i was ready to get out)..and i wasted a lot of time doing..well..nothing. I got to see my friend Cheyanne and few times and meet some more of her friends in Fort Collins before i drove her back home (crested butte, Colorado) for the summer. After i got home from dropping her off last month, i finally got a job. I'm working at a deli and it's the most ridiculous job i've ever had. Yes, even more so than the telemarketing job. :) I started babysitting for a wonderful family here in boulder regularly, and they've offered me a room behind their house rent free in exchange for some babysitting. Total blessing, and answer to prayers, as the living situation i'm in right now tends to be a little difficult sometimes. I will be moving into town where i'll be closer to the mountains, and closer to...everything. :)
When i was in Crested butte i randomly heard about this college group call Christan Challenge back in Boulder that was supposed to be full of great people. So i went. I couldn't even make it 2 feet in the door before i was swamped with person after person introducing themselves and wanting to know about me. I was only able to go that one time, because i was babysitting the rest of the wednesdays before the group ended for the school year..but i met SO many people, and made a couple of really great friends. I can't wait to get to know more of them. I had tried another college group before that one, and tried connecting with people in other ways, but it wasn't happening. Before walking into Christian challenge that night, i literally prayed that i would be able to connect with these people, and that i could make some friends...and once again. He answered my prayers :)
The solitude has been such a change in my life. It's pushed me so much more deeply in Love with my BEST friend..my savior, my Lord...Scripture is becoming so alive to me. Verses i've read before that didn't mean anything to me at all are jumping out at me and touching my life on such a real level. I love...love. I'm finding that He is the one that is pursueing me. He wants to be with me. He wants to love on me. He wants to be in a LOVE relationship with me.
This move has NOT been easy. I'm still very much transitioning..I very much miss people back home, and find it hard being away from my family...since they are going through struggles of their own. There are very many uncertainties right now with school and such...but He said move...and I did. So i'm trusting Him for the rest. Though it's not been easy..i'm very much at peace where i am. I'm discovering myself in the process.
That's it :) kinda long..but whatever...if you made it to the end you're a trooper ;)
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Oh Colorado...
Tuesday night my friends all came to Outback for a going away party for me. It was so nice being able to laugh with everyone. Afterward i went and hung out with Allysar and Leah until a crazy AM hour and had a blast. The wednesday i packed up, had coffee with Rach, went to the church and said my final goodbyes. I left Florida on Wednesday afternoon and after 8 states, and 36 hours of driving..i arrived in Colorado last night (Saturday evening). The trip here was interesting, and fun. I stopped in GA just for the night. Saw my brother and his girlfriend...then driving through arkansas at night it started snowing hardcore..apparently the next day there was like 14 inches or something..semi's literally kept running me off the road. It was scarey for my Florida girl self. I stayed 2 nights in Oklahoma with my wonderful friend Hayden. We went rock climbing, played raquet ball, played pool, went to the movies. It was fun..lots of laughter :) Then I drove all day yesterday and finally got here.
This has been one of the hardest things ever. immediately after leaving Florida i began crying...Thinking about all the things i was leaving, all the people i was leaving..to go to a place where i not much familiar with,and barely have any friends at all...but doing it in Faith knowing this IS where God wants me to be. I know i am supposed to be here. God has opened doors like crazy...from a place to live, to the money (and some) to get over here. I understand that God sometimes brings us to a place where we have to sacrifice things that we love for Him...to grow deeper, closer, and more intimately in love with Him. I'm excited about my life these next couple of years..right now it all hurts so bad...I often cry...but i KNOW He's got a life planned for me far beyond what i can imagine. I'm in love with Jesus...
I miss you Florida.
This has been one of the hardest things ever. immediately after leaving Florida i began crying...Thinking about all the things i was leaving, all the people i was leaving..to go to a place where i not much familiar with,and barely have any friends at all...but doing it in Faith knowing this IS where God wants me to be. I know i am supposed to be here. God has opened doors like crazy...from a place to live, to the money (and some) to get over here. I understand that God sometimes brings us to a place where we have to sacrifice things that we love for Him...to grow deeper, closer, and more intimately in love with Him. I'm excited about my life these next couple of years..right now it all hurts so bad...I often cry...but i KNOW He's got a life planned for me far beyond what i can imagine. I'm in love with Jesus...
I miss you Florida.
Friday, February 8, 2008
I don't know how to be happy...not right now.
this is just me right now. Do not read if you don't want to..it's just my thoughts.
It's been a month since the staff retreat. It's been a really crazy month. So many decisions, so many thoughts running through my head ALL THE TIME. As my last post said...i left working with overland full time. Hardest thing i've probably ever done. I mean..i'm still here right now..i still go in every day for at least a couple of hours...but i've closed the chapter in my life for now. Not the chapter for missions..that chapter will not close. Not for a long time at least...My passion is missions...people groups...the third world...just unreached people in general...even if it's here in America. I am moving to colorado. It's about a 95% sure thing. Next month, or the beginning of April. I'm taking an EMT course the beginning of next month and the organization was so gracious and blessed me with more than half off the original price of the course. Thank you Jesus.
I am really really excited about being where I am supposed to be. I don't know why colorado. It's something that started stirring in me last year while i was living out there for a couple of months.
And though I am excited about being where I am supposed to be. There's the getting there factor. I have a REALLY crappy job right now. Literally HATE it. yeha..the telemarketing one. Who knew.I am not brining in nearly enough money.. And also there is the factor of leaving my family, and 90% of my friends to go over there for SCHOOL. One of the things that clinches my heart the most is not being able to drive down and see my sweet sweet little siblings Hayley and Tyler. They are growing so much every day...and i love them so incredibly much. But hey...there is always holidays right?
my heart aches inside my chest most of the day...it's a really weird feeling. Because i do have peace about the decision i have made. I have ALOT of peace. But still..my heart is aching. I think that's normal...i mean...it's just really alot to swallow i think. There is also the factor of not being in Africa this summer for the 1st time in 3 years. That hurts too. I hope to go somewhere this year still though :) I'm thnking asia would be amazing...Brazil sounds pretty great too.
And Overland...i love Overland. i will still travel with them, be in connection with them...recruit for them. I'm going to make colorado one of our biggest sending states. (In Jesus Name)...go to conferences with them...i'm just not going to be based in Florida with them.
Anyway...that's that. I'm moving forward..i am. I'm excited about it. and the aching will stop..it might just take a little while.
It's been a month since the staff retreat. It's been a really crazy month. So many decisions, so many thoughts running through my head ALL THE TIME. As my last post said...i left working with overland full time. Hardest thing i've probably ever done. I mean..i'm still here right now..i still go in every day for at least a couple of hours...but i've closed the chapter in my life for now. Not the chapter for missions..that chapter will not close. Not for a long time at least...My passion is missions...people groups...the third world...just unreached people in general...even if it's here in America. I am moving to colorado. It's about a 95% sure thing. Next month, or the beginning of April. I'm taking an EMT course the beginning of next month and the organization was so gracious and blessed me with more than half off the original price of the course. Thank you Jesus.
I am really really excited about being where I am supposed to be. I don't know why colorado. It's something that started stirring in me last year while i was living out there for a couple of months.
And though I am excited about being where I am supposed to be. There's the getting there factor. I have a REALLY crappy job right now. Literally HATE it. yeha..the telemarketing one. Who knew.I am not brining in nearly enough money.. And also there is the factor of leaving my family, and 90% of my friends to go over there for SCHOOL. One of the things that clinches my heart the most is not being able to drive down and see my sweet sweet little siblings Hayley and Tyler. They are growing so much every day...and i love them so incredibly much. But hey...there is always holidays right?
my heart aches inside my chest most of the day...it's a really weird feeling. Because i do have peace about the decision i have made. I have ALOT of peace. But still..my heart is aching. I think that's normal...i mean...it's just really alot to swallow i think. There is also the factor of not being in Africa this summer for the 1st time in 3 years. That hurts too. I hope to go somewhere this year still though :) I'm thnking asia would be amazing...Brazil sounds pretty great too.
And Overland...i love Overland. i will still travel with them, be in connection with them...recruit for them. I'm going to make colorado one of our biggest sending states. (In Jesus Name)...go to conferences with them...i'm just not going to be based in Florida with them.
Anyway...that's that. I'm moving forward..i am. I'm excited about it. and the aching will stop..it might just take a little while.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
I just don't know....
I am a missionary. I've been to Africa 3 times in the past 2 1/2 years. I've spent 11 months at a missionary base in Zambia, Africa. I've spent the past 2 years solid working for a missions organization called Overland Missions. I've grown to love every one on my team like they're my own family. I need to go to school. I know that this is the next step that i'm to take in my life. Right now i'm still that Uneducated, telemarketing, homeless, missionary. In other words. I'm living with my amazing friend Amy and her Amazing family. But i was only supposed to be there for 2 weeks..going on 6 now i think. I work 11 hours a day. 7 in the OM offices, 4 as a telemarketer (i hate telemarketing...but definitely do not get mad when they call me now!). I was supposed to go to school this month...God closed the door right now. 5 months ago i talked about moving to colorado for school but decided to stay here for instate tuition and honestly to be with my friends, and work with overland. I have a whole year now where i can't go to school. I could go establish residency somewhere. Working with overland missions is a closed chapter in my life. It's a chapter that has BEEN closed for months...but one that i've tried SO hard to keep open. I can't move forward anywhere if i'm not moving forward in the area God wants me to be moving forward in. I'm not going to move forward in the ministry, i'm not going to move forward in a job... until i move forward with school. It doesn't make sense right now...I never wanted to go to college. I have grown to love the medical field though...so nursing makes sense. Anyway...
To make a long story short. Yesterday i stepped down from Overland Missions staff...to volunteer. That's ok. these past 2 years i've gotten such a beautiful taste of what i want to do with the rest of my life. My heart beats so hard for the nations...my heart beats for the mission field. I don't ever see myself leading huge teams. Theoretically one day i would love to get married...and travel with him to the villages, and islands that have yet to be reached with the undeniable, indescribable, love of Jesus Christ. Hey..that's a dream. I thought i didn't have any...but that's been a dream of mine for years. It'll happen. One day.
I'm scared. really scared. I'm not going to sugar coat it and say that i'm not. I know that whether i stay in cocoa, or move to colorado, or where ever.. that i need to make schooling my focus for awhile. Change is scarey sometimes...and i don't even have the slightest clue what is going to happen :)
Man o man. I might be a missionary...I might be an aspiring nurse...I might be a telemarketer...but that's not who I REALLY am...that's not my identity. I am a child of God. Simply put. That's my identity.
To make a long story short. Yesterday i stepped down from Overland Missions staff...to volunteer. That's ok. these past 2 years i've gotten such a beautiful taste of what i want to do with the rest of my life. My heart beats so hard for the nations...my heart beats for the mission field. I don't ever see myself leading huge teams. Theoretically one day i would love to get married...and travel with him to the villages, and islands that have yet to be reached with the undeniable, indescribable, love of Jesus Christ. Hey..that's a dream. I thought i didn't have any...but that's been a dream of mine for years. It'll happen. One day.
I'm scared. really scared. I'm not going to sugar coat it and say that i'm not. I know that whether i stay in cocoa, or move to colorado, or where ever.. that i need to make schooling my focus for awhile. Change is scarey sometimes...and i don't even have the slightest clue what is going to happen :)
Man o man. I might be a missionary...I might be an aspiring nurse...I might be a telemarketer...but that's not who I REALLY am...that's not my identity. I am a child of God. Simply put. That's my identity.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
If i had a label....it would be....
almost 2 months since i've been back in Cocoa. It's been interesting, and amazing. I am loving being here.
My purpose of moving here:
Go to School and obtain a nursing degree
Raise monthly Support
Work in Overland Offices full time
I am having the hardest time getting into school. I'm almost certain it may not be possible to spring semester..which in all reality really really makes my heart ache.
Monthly support isn't coming in quite as well as i had expected...but that's also expected being the Holiday season and all
I am working full time in the Overland Office..
I also am working part time at a telemarketing place..yeah..i know.
I'm currently living at a friend's house in their spare bedroom...i'm supposed to find a perminate place to live by January...it's hard.
My thought has been...either i'm RIGHT where i need to be...and that's why it's not been as easy as anticipated...or i'm not at all. But i'm pretty confident i'm right where i need to be. It's ok to question that. I've been moving around alot this year..and i'm here now..
Last night I decided my most accurate label for myself would be:
Uneducated, Homeless, Telemarketer that works for a volunteer missions organization...
And last night near mid night as i pulled away from the offices to head back to my current home i said to myself "and it's all worth it"
No doubt...Working at a telemarketing agency so i can survive, Not going to school (though i really am praying i can.), being unstable in living accommodations...it's more then worth it...
Last night my friend said "Amanda..sleep well..dream of distant shores...and all the countries you will go to and preach in...because you are a uneducated, homeless, telemarketer that works for a volunteer missions organization" and my heart filled with peace beyond understanding...Everyone here could be out making money..Katey could be a Dr., Leah could be writing for some huge publishing company, Dan could be engineering, etc... instead they, We, choose to do this...those who choose to surrender all of it to see that woman reached in the village...These people know what it's like to live.
So as for this uneducated, homeless, telemarketing missionary...I have no idea what's happening tomorrow...I know i'm going home for Christmas to be with my favorite kids in the world...I may not be a nurse in 3 1/2 years....but I'm ok with that...He's promised me alot of things, and i know i'll see them come to pass :)
Merry Christmas friends.
My purpose of moving here:
Go to School and obtain a nursing degree
Raise monthly Support
Work in Overland Offices full time
I am having the hardest time getting into school. I'm almost certain it may not be possible to spring semester..which in all reality really really makes my heart ache.
Monthly support isn't coming in quite as well as i had expected...but that's also expected being the Holiday season and all
I am working full time in the Overland Office..
I also am working part time at a telemarketing place..yeah..i know.
I'm currently living at a friend's house in their spare bedroom...i'm supposed to find a perminate place to live by January...it's hard.
My thought has been...either i'm RIGHT where i need to be...and that's why it's not been as easy as anticipated...or i'm not at all. But i'm pretty confident i'm right where i need to be. It's ok to question that. I've been moving around alot this year..and i'm here now..
Last night I decided my most accurate label for myself would be:
Uneducated, Homeless, Telemarketer that works for a volunteer missions organization...
And last night near mid night as i pulled away from the offices to head back to my current home i said to myself "and it's all worth it"
No doubt...Working at a telemarketing agency so i can survive, Not going to school (though i really am praying i can.), being unstable in living accommodations...it's more then worth it...
Last night my friend said "Amanda..sleep well..dream of distant shores...and all the countries you will go to and preach in...because you are a uneducated, homeless, telemarketer that works for a volunteer missions organization" and my heart filled with peace beyond understanding...Everyone here could be out making money..Katey could be a Dr., Leah could be writing for some huge publishing company, Dan could be engineering, etc... instead they, We, choose to do this...those who choose to surrender all of it to see that woman reached in the village...These people know what it's like to live.
So as for this uneducated, homeless, telemarketing missionary...I have no idea what's happening tomorrow...I know i'm going home for Christmas to be with my favorite kids in the world...I may not be a nurse in 3 1/2 years....but I'm ok with that...He's promised me alot of things, and i know i'll see them come to pass :)
Merry Christmas friends.
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