go with the flow

I love being in the place where the Lord is speaking so much into my heart that i couldn't say one thing that could express even in the slighted what He's doing. Does that make sense? And i'm best with words...maybe not saying them..but writing them down. When the Lord has me speachless..it's a good thing :)

I'm so sure that moving to colorado has been one of those GREAT decisions. Where you KNOW that you KNOW that you're where the Lord wants you...He's so much been working in different areas of my life..and it's not all a peice of cake..actually...most of it has been ridiculously hard. Such a huge emtional rollercoaster of ups and downs. I think i need this move to break away from being underneath authority...authority meaning living under my parents rules...or under rules of an organization to begin to know my identity apart from who i am with, and what i am doing. On my own, i am growing in my reltionaship with the Lord.

So i'm still church hunting. I have gone back and forth between cornerstone and city on the Hill..and this past week i tried highway community...david crowder's brothers church..it's really small, and just started 6 months ago and i think that's amazing. I enjoyed it..i enjoyed the sermon, and i enjoyed the worship! There are not many people but EVERYONE is young. I think i'll keep trying it out and praying about it and see what the Lord wants.

Ultimately the Lord is telling to stop planning my life. So right now i'm living the "go with the flow" method of life and i love it. Freedom is fantastic. Just moving with Jesus and listening for His voice to tell me what's next.

He's good. So good.

Miss my friends from florida mucho...and my family mucho mucho.

:)

"Just be with me"

So it's been a crazy month so far. I moved into my new place and i LOVE it. It's beautiful, and my roommates are great. But moving in has been such a challenge financially. Mostly, because i just started my job a couple weeks ago so i haven't yet gotten a full paycheck....and then there's been several other things that have just been going on...overdraws...credit cards screwing up..one thing after another. But things seem to be moving upward now..God is faithful always.

I just found out about 4 days ago that i am not going to school again this semester..which at first was super super frustrating. Basically fasfa just now got back to me about financial aid, and approved me for a loan...of which wasn't enough to go to school full time, and the type of loan it was, wasn't worth going part time. And since classes start in a week i didn't have to time to apply for anymore, get my stuff transferred over etc etc...crazy and ridiculous but obviously the Lord has other ideas..once again. So when deciding if i should just go part time with the loan...i was praying that the Lord would speak clearly to me, bc i've been dealing with this the last few semesters..and the next day more then once it was brought up..in sermons..in conversation...that it's not about my accomplishments, or when i get my degree...if at all...Just to BE with Him. Which is super freeing...just to be able to move with Him, despite what the world thinks i should be doing. I do think i'll go to school, perhaps next semester...i will be applying for scholarships and such this fall and preparing for it...but if He closes the door again..so be it. Living a life freely in the will of God is much better then a nursing degree or any acheivement of the sort if it's not what He wants me to have.

I'm working for crocs in the mall and i like it. still babysitting quite a bit...and just settling into my beautiful new home. I love it in Colorado...i do feel i made the right decision moving here 5 1/2 months ago!

Sweep me off my feet

I have watched 3 of my friends get married this summer. All 3 were beautiful weddings, all 3 made beautiful brides, and all 3 are incredibly happy. Having said that..it's gotten me thinking a lot about what i want my wedding to be like..when i'll meet someone...etc etc....

please know that this next portion is just me rambling about what's been going on in my head....you really don't have to read it if you don't want to...i just needed to write my emotions out.

I know that i'm not supposed to look for someone...i know that it'll happen, and i will be swept off my feet and that's super exciting. I've been obedient in the relationship area for the past several years. When i was 18 i broke up with a boy, and promised the Lord i wouldn't be in a relationship again for a year...time to focus on myself...it's been 4 years (in december)since then. The best 4 years of my life. I've learned so much about myself...i've allowed myself time to be healed from the inside out...i've discovered what it means to really be in relationship. A love relationship with my heavenly Father...I've enjoyed being young, and single..traveling..not being in school..Not living under my parents roof...moving to several different places and ending up in Boulder, Colorado where i knew next to nobody (other then you tirz) and I have grown to love this incredibly strange place so very much. Can i just say...I cannot wait to be swept off my feet. I can't wait to fall in love. I know i'm young, and that there is time...but i, like many other girls my age..want to meet the love of my life.

I've been in a wierd mood today...kinda lonely..even though i was with people most of the day. What ever...

I signed my lease today. i started my job yesterday. I've been house sitting for the last couple of nights. and i got to see one of my very best friends this past weekend. I should be happy..and i am. I think i'm just a hormonal grump today :)

Back in Boulder

So i've been back in Colorado for 2 weeks and it's been great. Challenging to say the least, but great. In 2 weeks the Lord has provided me with a job. And a place to live! I am working at the Crocs Kiosk in the middle of the mall....yeah, i'm excited! i'm also nannying part time for a wonderful family here in Boulder. And i'm moving into a 4 bedroom town house on the 5th of August with 3 other girls. I'm WAY excited about that. God is crazy good. This summer has been really good. I'm nice and tan (still)..I got to be with my family and friends in Florida, now i'm in Colorado spending time with people here. Tomorrow i leave for Crested butte for my friend Hayden's wedding. 3rd wedding this summer! K so there's a nice blog for you. I was told by my friend Tirzah that there is no point to having a blog if you don't use it...which is true. :)

Coming home soon....

So i've been in Florida for about 3 1/2 weeks and have spent alot of that time at a pool or a beach despite the fact that we've had alot of crappy weather since the first week i was here! Yay for typical Florida summers, where it's sunny one minute and a lightning storm the next. I'm leaving Port Saint Lucie thursday night and staying in cocoa for the evening...then early friday i am driving to Virginia with 2 of the guys from cocoa for beautiful Christy's wedding :)

This trip has been super interesting, and super super challenging for me...as i knew it would be before i came here. I honestly had no idea why i was come back to Florida instead of going into the 3rd world this summer. In my mind it was to help my family...felt like i could change things i guess. Just in the last week the Lord has been showing me why He really brought me here. Last summer i began praying that the Lord would bring me to the root of some of the problems from my past. Co-depency being the main thing. I knew, and know that i've been healed from all the things from me past...but also know i haven't been able to experience that freedom to it's fullest without getting to the root of it all...So this summer I was brought back to Florida to confront it face to face...I don't want to go into detail on this thing, but i know that I can't change people. I can only change myself. I can forgive, and i can move on. It's been hard, as i knew it would be once i began seeing the root of things, but it's good. I thank God for His faithfulness.

That being said...i can't wait to get back to colorado...i have a crazy month in front of me, trying to figure out living, and job situations and such...but i'm excited to see God's provisian :)

Florida, and Tyler-isms :)

I have been in Florida for about 9 days now. It's going quite well..I've enjoyed seeing familiar faces, and i've enjoyed the BEACH. :) i thought i would go ahead and start making a list of tyler (my 5 year old brother) quotes...i'm sure i'll be able to build on it for the next couple of weeks :)

1) "look! I got a dollar!!!! jason gave it to me...Just for licking my foot!"

2)Tyler: "I have to poop so bad!!!"

Me: "We're almost home..just hold it"

Hayley: "Tyler can you hand me that book??"

Tyler: "I can't! I'm too busy consentrating on squeezing my butt cheeks together!"

3) mom: "You guys are going to hate each other by the time you go back to colorado" (talking about Hayley, tyler, and me)

Me: "we aren't going to hate each other"

Tyler: "I already don't like you" (hahaha)


More to come later :)

Going on a jet plane.

So i quit my job today. And i couldn't be happier. Now i have time to babysit, clean out my room, talk to school advisers, and of course hang out with people. I'm not going to indonesia and feel certain i've made the right decision staying in the USA this year. I'm going to Florida next thursday and will be there most of June. It should be fun. my family is planning stuff for us to do AS a family..like camping. How fun...miserably hot at night i'm sure..but it should be a blast. I've recently started going to a new church called Cornerstone Church, and i really like it. There are alot of people my age, and it's solid. I've been having fun hanging out with my new friends, and making newer ones :) I can't wait to see my friends and family in Florida, even though it's only been 3 months..i think that's long enough.

Yay life :)